


I Want You To Stay (Even Though You Don't Want Me)

by charlottebecky



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kayfabe Compliant, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 13:34:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottebecky/pseuds/charlottebecky
Summary: "I’m not going to keep looking for someone who doesn’t want to be found.”The one where Becky destroys Charlotte and Charlotte destroys everything.





	I Want You To Stay (Even Though You Don't Want Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! After Charlotte's hesitation to captain the Survivor Series team yesterday, I wanted to write a fic exploring the fall of her confidence, and how her feud with Becky affected it. This is the most kayfabe compliant thing I've ever written, and it dabbles such a thin line between kayfabe and not, so enjoy figuring that out. As always kudos and feedback are highly appreciated! My tumblr is softcharlotte :)

**5 Days After Evolution**

Really loud, really incessant banging on the door woke her up. She opened her eyes extremely reluctantly and peeked at the clock on her bedside. 12.31 pm. What in the world? She hadn’t slept past 6 am in the last… at least ten years. But she guessed times were different now.

“Charlotte open the fucking door before I dropkick it down,” she heard Sasha’s voice bursting through the walls.

“Coming,” she yelled sleepily, and got out of the covers. She had slept in an old tank that used to be her merch – one of those blue Do It With Flair shirt she wore on TV in early days. No pants. Which were kind of important, because as much as she loved Sasha, she shouldn’t show up to open the door naked. She had to show that she had it together.

“What in good god’s name are you doing in North Carolina, Boss?” she asked, when she finally made it to the door.

“The real question is Char,” Sasha said, entering. “Why – after six years of never taking a break except that one time your dad was seriously ill – are you on vacation? Especially after one of the biggest, not to mention greatest, matches of your career?”

“Which I lost, by the way, in case I have to remind you,” Charlotte said. “How did you even find out I took leave?”

“I am gonna stop by Smackdown next week to cheer on Bayley at the Mixed Match Challenge,” Sasha said. “So I told Becky how excited I was for the Horsewomen to reunite so soon after Evolution and she mentioned you had taken leave for a bit so since I was in the city anyway for Raw, I thought I’d stop by.”

“Yeah Sash I don’t even know,” Charlotte said, pulling out a chair for her friend to sit on. “First of all, my body’s been through a hell of a lot.”

“I'm aware,” Sasha said. “We’ve gone down that kendo stick route before in case you forgot somehow.”

“Oh I remember,” Charlotte said, smirking. “I just really need some time to clear my head, maybe even find myself – everything’s happened so fast. It’s been a really long week. Heck it’s been a really long last six years.”

“Of course, of course,” Sasha said. “You gotta do what you gotta do babe. We’re gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna make us some breakfast,” Charlotte said, realizing she should be a better host as Sasha rolled her eyes. 

“Charlotte it’s almost 1pm,” Sasha said.

“Who cares?” Charlotte said, grinning as Sasha laughed. “Protein pancakes sound good?”

“Perfect,” Sasha said, taking off her boots. 

Charlotte put on some Guns N Roses while she made food, and Sasha set the table. She brought over the pancakes and a couple glasses of juice and handed them to the Boss who once was her once fiercest rival, and now was undoubtedly one of her best friends.

Sasha took a mouthful of pancakes and nodded in happiness.

“So,” Sasha said. “I guess we should talk about the elephant in the room. What the hell happened with you and Becky?” 

“I don’t know,” Charlotte said. Sasha gave her an odd look. “That is the whole truth. I have no fucking clue. We were perfect, then we were at each other's throats. What did she tell you?” 

“Just that you’ve kind of been off since the last woman standing, and that she apologized at Evolution,” Sasha said. “She said you haven't really been communicating since you broke up at Summerslam.” 

“Well, I don’t know why Becky suddenly cares all of a sudden,” Charlotte said. “It’s never been about us or what we had. To her it’s always been about that championship.” 

“Charlotte that’s not true and you know it,” Sasha said. “We all want the championship. We love what we do and we love when we’re at the top. Don’t forget you did too. You gave her up the first time for the Divas Champ-”

“Yeah, but that was a long time ago,” Charlotte said. “I’ve changed. I thought she knew that. When I said I needed a break, I guess I meant from seeing her every day as well.”

“Okay,” Sasha said. “But just so you know, she’s worried about you. She asked me to ask you why you’re not returning her calls.”  

“You can ask her to teach me since she’s such an expert at returning things,” Charlotte said, and when Sasha frowned she said, “My heart, Sasha, she took my heart, stomped it to pieces and gave it fucking back shattered in pieces.”

“You’ve been watching too many dramatic movies,” Sasha said.

“I haven’t been doing much of anything lately except watching movies the last five days,” Charlotte said.

“Charlotte it’s okay to shut down – I think,” Sasha said. “But I know that The Queen is somewhere under this fallen shell. And I hope we see her back soon.” 

“Me too, Sash,” Charlotte said, sighing. “Sometimes I really just with everything was back how it used to be before all this started.”

**Smackdown Live, 31 July 2018**

**89 Days Before Evolution**

“What the flying fuck, Charlotte?” Becky asked, after Charlotte stumbled back to the locker room after defeating Carmella. “Why can’t you let me have anything for myself?”

“Becky it wasn’t my choice,” Charlotte said, shocked because this was not the reaction she was expecting from her girlfriend, not at all. ”Paige offered to put me in the match if I beat Carmella, and you know how it is you know I’m not going to turn down a title opportunity.” 

This was not how her return from injury was supposed to go. They were supposed to go back to the hotel and cuddle and make love to each other and then eat Ben and Jerry’s naked and fall asleep on each other while watching a ridiculously bad rom-com that Charlotte had set up despite Becky’s protests. When Charlotte had come back and saved Becky from the beatdown by Carmella nothing could replace the feeling of getting to hold Becky, and look her in the eye. The look that Becky knew too well. _I love you, and I’m here for you. Always have been. Always will._

Except apparently Becky was mad.

“Summerslam was supposed to be my night,” Becky said. “I was gonna beat her one on fuckin’ one and get my title back. Do you know how many days it’s been since I’ve had a championship match? Heck since I’ve even had a pay-per-view match? And how many titles and title opportunities YOU’VE gotten in between?”

“Becks there’s no need to be so angry baby,” Charlotte said, quietly. “You can still beat both of us at Summerslam.”

She left Becky alone to calm down and loaded her suitcases and bags into the rental car, quietly sobbing. She was about to put on an angsty playlist and drive back by herself when she heard an ever-familiar voice, heavy with an Irish accent she knew and loved too well.

“Wait up, I’m comin’ with ya.” 

**8 Days After Evolution**

“Charlotte I’m not going to keep looking for someone who doesn’t want to be found.”

That was all. The whole entire voicemail. Charlotte threw her phone across the room and swore she could hear the screen smashing. Becky had left about 10 voicemails since they’d last seen each other.

Charlotte could hear Becky’s voice playing over and over again in her head. She was suddenly “someone who doesn’t wanna be found” apparently. She was right there, in her apartment. If Becky wanted to, she could drop by. Not that Charlotte was sure she would open the door. There was a time Charlotte would be willing to teleport across one end of the earth to another for Becky, but Becky had shown exactly how much that mattered in anything.

It wasn’t that Charlotte didn’t want to be found it was just that the Becky she knew, the Becky that she had fallen in love with over and over again, wasn’t the one looking for her. 

 **2 Days After Evolution**  

The last time they had seen each other was on the Tuesday night after their historic Last Woman Standing Match. After Charlotte had tried avoiding her all night, they had crossed paths at the back during Smackdown. Charlotte had simply nodded in acknowledgement and tried to get out as fast as possible, Becky had caught her hand.

“I miss you,” Becky mumbled softly. 

“I don’t have time for your mind games,” Charlotte replied, trying her best not to show how she was really feeling, how she wished she could take Becky back, how much she wished things would go back to normal. “You only care about me when I’m not vying for your stupid title.”

“It’s only stupid when it’s mine huh?” Becky retorted. Yup, there it was. The asshole that now lived inside the body of the person she loved the most. Or thought she did, anyway.

“Go to hell, Becks,” Charlotte said and went over to Paige who had called her into her office.

“Will you captain the Smackdown women’s team at Survivor Series?” Paige asked.

Charlotte thought about it for a second.

“I’m honored, but I just don’t think I’m the right person for the job,” Charlotte said, remembering just the toll her body had taken on in the last week, remembering how worthless she had felt lying under all those chairs, buried by her best friend, by the woman she had once wanted to give up everything for.

She wanted to get away from all this. She needed a break so bad. She just wanted to shut out and just not think about wrestling for a few days. So she told Paige she needed time to think. Both about Survivor Series, and about the future of her career.

 **9 Days After Evolution**

Her phone ringing woke her up. She swore if it was Becky again, she was going to block her number. She couldn’t find it anywhere near her bed. Then she remembered she had thrown it across the room the day before. _Motherfucker,_ Charlotte thought, about no one in particular.

She took the phone off the ground. The screen was indeed smashed. Broken, just like my heart and I, Charlotte thought. Thankfully it wasn’t Becky calling.

“Nattie,” she said, picking up the call. “What’s up?”

“What’s up with _you,_ you fool?” Nattie asked. “Since when do you get all dark and twisty?”

“It’s from all the Grey’s Anatomy I’ve been binge watching,” Charlotte said, smiling for the first time in days. "What brings you to my hotline?“ 

“Shut up Charlotte you’re so pretentious,” Nattie said, and Charlotte could hear the Canadian laughing from the other end. “What is this I hear about you disappearing off the face of the earth?”

“God not you too,” Charlotte said, sitting down. “The other day, Sasha literally showed up my house.”  
“I would do that as well if I wasn’t in Manchester,” Natalya said.

“England?” Charlotte asked. 

“Yeah, the European tour you dummy,” Natalya said. “Which you would know if you still worked for the company.”

“I DO still work for the company Nattie, I’m on _vacation. W_ ho’s being dramatic now?” Charlotte asked.

“Still you,” Nattie said. “Because if you were on so-called _vacation_ you’d be in Hawaii or Paris or London with us even, not sitting with your two calorie-heavy boyfriends Ben and Jerry all the way across the ocean in Charlotte, North Carolina. Besides, I think Becky misses you. She’s looked really annoyed the last time I saw her.”

“Excuse me,” Charlotte said. “Ben and Jerry take extremely good care of me. Better than Becky’s been lately anyway.” 

“Charlotte if you keep avoiding her she’s not gonna be able to,” Nattie said. “Where is that queen-like confidence? Who the hell have you become, saucy?” 

“If I knew the answer to that,” Charlotte said. “I wouldn’t be sitting at home in my PJ’s right now with my ear hurt as fuck because my I threw my phone across the room and now the screen is broken.”

“Charlotte go see a therapist,” Nattie said.

“I don’t need professional help,” Charlotte said, frowning at the thought.

“Then just come back to work,” Nattie said. “Becky said it’s no fun parading around with the title if you’re not there to gloat to.”

“Of course she fucking did,” Charlotte said, her insides suddenly aching with a tinge pain she was newly becoming familiar with. Always about the title with Becky.

**Summerslam, 19 August 2018**

**70 Days Before Evolution**

The bell rang, and Charlotte had it won. She’d pinned Becky and not Carmella as she had initially wanted to, but she was still champion once more. Redemption. 

Becky came up to her after the match and the crowd was in anticipation of what could possibly happen. 

“I love you so much,” Charlotte told her. “You’re my girl forever. I’m so proud of you, proud of _us._ The title doesn’t mean anything compared to the love I have for you. Nothing ever will.”

“Yeah?” Becky asked. “Well if that’s all it is to you, Miss Privilege, you don't deserve it. Because it means a the whole fuckin' universe to me.”

The next thing Charlotte remembered was her face meeting Becky’s knuckles, her body crashing to the ground, the crowd chanting “you deserve it.” Well maybe. She had been a bad girlfriend for taking the opportunity away from Becky. She deserved to be hurt by Becky. She deserved it all. The tears started flowing down automatically.

Somehow she made it back to the locker room almost drowned her tears.

“Are you kidding me?” Charlotte said, her eyes swollen from crying, and also, you know, getting clocked in the face by the love of her life. “What the fuck was that?”

“I just wanted to show you how much I appreciated you Natural Selection-ing your way into sneaking up and taking that title when I had Carmella done for _right there,_ ” Becky said. “It’s nothin’ personal. All’s fair in love and war.” 

“Really? Nothing personal?” Charlotte asked. “You’re gonna let the damn title come between us? You’re gonna punch me inside of the ring once the bell has rung it's over when I beat you fair and square? That’s how you break up with me? With absolutely uncalled for violence, when I stood there in the ring and told you how much I loved you, how proud I was of you? And then you’re gonna tell me it’s NOT personal?” She threw the title into her bag. A loud thud was heard, but Charlotte was sure it was fine. Or maybe it was broken. It didn’t matter. Because her heart was broken and no break could compare to that.

“Charlotte come on,” Becky said. “I didn’t want our relationship to come between my hard work, but I also didn’t want to be second best every day. You took my one on one match away from me.”

“Fuck you Becky,” Charlotte said. “I can’t believe I ever believed that you loved me.”

“Charlotte, I still love you, of course I do,” Becky said. “I just want to be able to focus on winning the title from now on. I really didn’t mean any harm. Can we please just go back to the hotel and cuddle.”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Charlotte asked. “And yeah I am going back. Alone. Don’t even think about following me.”

**12 Days After Evolution**

She woke up at 11 am. An improvement after the ten-day straight streak of waking up at twelves and ones. Maybe today she could actually motivate herself to go to the gym. It had been too fucking long. Her gym staff were getting worried.

Becky hadn’t reached out any more recently. Charlotte _had_ however gone through old text messages and read them a lot. Cried. Put on their Ride Along episode on the network and watched it until she fell asleep. Woke up and cried some more. Looked at old letters, photographs, idiotic tea time videos - that Becky had falsely accused her of forcing her to do by the way – and sobbed. She tore up some really cute notes that they had passed to each other during promo class back in NXT that she had kept because she loved them a lot. She smashed a photo frame containing a picture they had taken after their match with Sasha at Mania 32. 

She was going down in a weird spiral of trying to erase every trace of Becky Lynch in the hopes that somehow it would bring her confidence back. She would erase all the damage to her soul that Becky had inflicted and somehow return to being The Queen. Maybe she could call Paige and tell her she was ready to be back and that she would indeed captain the Smackdown Live women at Survivor Series. 

And then somehow the WWE Network would magically loop Ride Along for the fifteenth time that night, and Charlotte’s soul would shrivel into the verge of hatred. For herself, for Becky, for what Becky had done to her.

Her phone beeped. Once, then a second time. Then twice more. Four texts from Bayley.

_Hey, Charlotte I hope you’re doing okay. I hear you’re not taking anyone’s calls, so I didn’t ring you._

_But I just want you to know you’re amazing._

_And we all have bad turns in our career paths, and it’s been happening to me for a year now. Since our feud actually. You’ll get up, I promise._

_I know Becky’s been giving you a hard time, but I think she’s got a lot of regrets. She’s really worried about facing Ronda, but she can’t focus cause she misses you._

Charlotte punched her table after reading. _Ouch._

Why was everyone _always_ going on about how sad Becky was?

**Hell In A Cell, 16 September 2018**

**42 Days Before Evolution**

“You finally won your precious title, are you happy Becks?” Charlotte asked as she threw her body onto the first chair she found when she stumbled back to the locker room. 

“Heck yeah,” Becky said, smiling. “Good match Charlie, can’t wait for the next one.” 

“You’re really acting like everything is okay?” Charlotte asked. “We literally broke up less than a month ago and you’re here grinning like a fool and calling me Charlie?”

“Charlotte I told you it was never anything against us, it’s the title and I do love and care about you, but now I’m the champion and it’ll be a good long reign and maybe we can reconnect-“

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Charlotte asked, and stormed out. 

**13 Days After Evolution**

If anyone walked into her house at this second they would think she had really been affected by the Carolina hurricanes. Pieces of paper sprawled across the floor, dirty dishes all over the sink, pillows sunken in with how much she had jumped right into them and bawled her eyes out. Somedays she felt ready to go back to work, but on others she wanted to cry, she wanted to be held, and the worst part was she wanted Becky to hold her. 

Becky had, incredibly enough, not stopped with the voicemails. One a day at least. The latest one was, “Charlotte, I’m a massive idiot. I know I’ve been such a jerk. But I really need your help. Heck I’ll even come over and watch a rom com with you if I have to. Just please let me apologize. I fucked up. I miss you”

Charlotte had cried for three straight hours after listening to it.

She hadn’t done anything about it though. Wasn’t planning to do anything either.

The worst part was that she definitely still loved Becky. She had never stopped. And Becky had also said she had never stopped. She was just acting like a jerk because she wanted that stupid title. That title meant nothing to Charlotte anymore. Not when it drove such a wedge between her and Becky. Not when it literally transformed Becky to a violent monster who called her a ‘bitch’ and made sure she made Charlotte’s life a living hell. 

 _Beep._ This time it was text messages.

_Charlotte I love you so much you have no idea._

Suddenly Charlotte didn't feel too angry. Maybe it was that enough time had passed, maybe it was that it sounded like the old Becky. Her Becky.

_Things have been miserable since you left._

Good, Charlotte thought. Oddly enough.

_I miss you, I miss your body against mine._

Me too, Charlotte found herself thinking.

_Also, Ronda won’t stop invading Smackdown and beating me up._

Serves you right, Becks.

_But beyond that, Charlotte I fucked up, and I miss you._

You did fuck up, and god I miss you too, was all Charlotte's head was saying.

_I’m sad._

Join the club.

_Did I mention how much I love you._

Charlotte found herself smiling. I guess, she thought.

_I do. I was an idiot._

Yes, you were, Charlotte thought.

_But I do love you. You know what, I don’t even care. I’ve been an idiot, and I’m just gonna fly to Charlotte. I hope you're okay with that._

**Smackdown Live, October 9 2018**

**20 Days Before Evolution**

“Is your hand okay?”

“Why won’t it be?” Charlotte asked aggressively, trying to hide the pain. “What's it to you anyway? How're _you_ walking? You’re the one whose entire body was just speared.”

“Charlotte I know you put your hand on my back when you went through that LED board,” Becky said. “It means a lot that you would do that. I know things have been hard, but-”

“Save it,” Charlotte said, walking away. “I don’t even care anymore.”

“Thank you for doing that though,” Becky said, softly.

**WWE Evolution**

**28 October 2018**

“I hope you know that I’m sorry and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can forgive me someday and we can be friends again. That was a great match, we created magic out there. You were great out there but in the end the better woman won.”

“You know what Becky, your leg could have snapped in two in that ladder in my Figure eight and I still couldn’t force you to say something nice to me without then following it up with something absolutely self-righteous about you and your championship. You destroyed my heart, and you destroyed me. I’m not gonna forgive you. I don’t even know who you are. Heck I don’t know who I am. I'm out of here.” 

“You always do this, Charlotte. You fuckin’ run away.” 

“Yeah, I’m going as far away from you as I can.” 

“Why can’t we talk through this? I want to fix it.”

“Oh babe you should have considered that at Summerslam right before you punched my face and took my heart straight out with it.”

**7 Days Before Survivor Series**

Charlotte got back from the gym – she had finally gotten out of bed, showered, and made it over there – to find a bouquet of roses on her doorstep. She didn’t have to look to feel the shadow behind her. She would know the smell of her cologne anywhere.

“Let me guess,” she said, not turning around. “You need help evening the odds against Ronda and her goons.” 

“It’s not just than that,” she heard a heavy Irish accent speak. “A few months ago, I was dumb. I gave up the love of my life for something that in retrospect, I could have just waited around for anyway.”

“Come in,” Charlotte said, still refusing to face Becky, picking up the roses, and unlocking the door. “Ignore the mess.”

“What even is this?” Becky asked, picking up a broken vase. “Oh shit, is this the photo of us from Mania? Charlotte what the flyin’ fook have you been doing on this vacation?” 

“Trying to destroy any evidence that you were in my life,” Charlotte said, finally facing Becky, who looked rather good in a leather jacket and jeans. “Trying to get over it. Us. Find the Queen back.” 

“Did it work?” Becky asked, concerned.

“Not really,” Charlotte said. “But I finally got out of the bed, and then made I to the couch a couple days ago. But today, I got off the couch and went to the gym.”

“Hey for what it’s worth,” Becky said. “Your arms look fuckin’ swole as always.”

“Thanks Becky,” Charlotte said, half smiling. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink? I don’t even know what food I have, I haven’t been grocery shopping in a while.”

“I’m hopin’ you have some tea,” Becky said, gently returning the smile.

 Charlotte’s heart started beating very fast. She quickly snapped out of it and reached up to the cabinet for tea and set the kettle to heat up water.

“So I don’t know if you’ve been getting my voicemails or texts,” Becky said, and Charlotte could hear the nervousness in the redhead’s voice.

“Yeah one or two,” Charlotte said, finding herself grinning, bringing over the tea. “You’re sad and stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah lass I am sad indeed,” Becky said. “Being champ is no fun when you’re not around. And not just as an opponent. I miss us, I miss riding together, I miss goofin’ off, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I definitely miss our tea time videos.” 

“When will you acknowledge that I didn’t come up with the idea of tea time?” Charlotte asked.

“Everyone knows it was me Charlotte,” Becky said. “Look at me I’m a fool and a liar.”

“Look at me I have a literal broken home,” Charlotte said. “I broke furniture and glass and my phone.”

“Damn we’re a mess,” Becky said. “Listen I truly am sorry. I wish you’d come back. To Smackdown I mean. And to my life I guess.”

“I don’t know Becks,” Charlotte said, the nickname accidentally (maybe not) slipping out of her mouth. “You really seemed to enjoy attacking me.”

“It’s gonna stop,” Becky said. “It’s not the same, I’m not the same. I fucked up so bad Charlotte, I don’t know what I was thinking. I gave you your space. I know you miss wrestling. Look at this place, you’re clearly not happy sitting at home all day. Come back.”

Becky got up and stepped closer to the blonde. The space between them minimizing with every second. She wrapped her arms around Charlotte’s neck and pulled her into an embrace. Their lips were inches away from each other when Charlotte hesitated. 

“You’re right,” Becky said, without moving, really. “Too soon.” 

“Maybe we can start as friends again,” Charlotte said. 

“Not even best friends?” Becky asked. “Can we at least be friends with benefits? I really miss you inside me.” 

“You’re such a fuckboy,” Charlotte said, laughing. “We can just start by spooning.”

“I’ve missed that too,” Becky said, grabbing her tea as they two headed for the couch. 

“Only if I get to be little spoon,” Charlotte said.

“As long as you come back on Tuesday,” Becky said, plopping her body on the couch. 

“If you’re lucky,” Charlotte said, lying down as Becky tightened the grip around her.

“Oh I’m already the luckiest,” Becky said. “I have you back in my arms.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always kudos and comments appreciated!


End file.
